A Practical Guide To Amazon For The Common Slave

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It just occurred to me how fun it must be for you lowly slaves to purchase items off of your Dommes wishlist. One of my slaves recently suggested that he purchase an item off of Mistress B’s wishlist as a gesture of good faith. Sure, why not? But I wanted to pick the item. As I cruised through her list I saw all kinds of goodies. “Maybe you should get her these false eyelashes, she can use them for clips. Ohh, wait, no, get her the set of erotica books, that’s Domme Dose article inspiration. Wait, wait. Get her this corset, that is hot!” Now don’t get me wrong, cash is sexy. I love a nice, solid tribute and I already have enough “things.” To me (and I assume to most other Dommes), an amazon gift NEVER, ever constitutes as a tribute but random prezzies are fun and a good way to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. How lucky are you guys that you get to shop through our wishlists, get to know what we like, our taste in shoes, a sneak peak into what clips we might film next? You get to imagine what we might use the items for. Will we use that tight red dress in a clip? Maybe it’s for a date. Will we tweet a picture of it? Will it be used in a photo shoot? What will it look like against our skin, hugging our curves? We’ll probably rock it harder than the model who is displaying it. You actually get to see us use or wear items that YOU gift us with. How satisfying is that? I know that when I wore a Victoria’s Secret bikini that peeidiot bought for me on a beach photo shoot, his head almost exploded. That being said, learn how to use amazon and your money efficiently, save us all a headache and save yourself some trouble.

Amazon Prime is your friend

I am all about efficiency. I am not so pompous that I don’t bother with saving money and you CERTAINLY shouldn’t be! If you can stretch a $100 gift into $125, so be it, more for me. I want it ALL. This is why you need to stop what you’re doing, and head straight to amazon to sign up for amazon mom. www.amazon.com/gp/mom/signup . By signing up for amazon mom you get free two day shipping on prime items. Prime items mean free two days shipping. Most of the items on my wishlist are prime, how convenient to you! I don’t have to tell you that shipping to Hawaii is a kick to the nuts, endure NO nut kicking by simply indulging in the benefits of amazon mom. Amazon mom give you three free months of prime benefits, at the end of the month it will automatically charge you $79 for a year long membership to amazon prime. You can either cancel and not be charged, OR let it go ahead and charge you since it will save you tons of money on shipping anyway. If you are a student with a .edu email address, you automatically get a FREE amazon prime subscription. No more bitching about being a broke ass college student, here is your break, right here.

Use the AMERICAN amazon website

About once a month I have an international slave make the mistake of sending me a UK or german, or whatever gift card. You simply cannot do this to me. In order for me to use this gift card, I would have to make a new account with that country’s website. THEN it would ship from that specific country, shipping would be outrageous and it would be all banged up. What about the leftover money? It would sit in the account for eternity. You MUST use the American website.

Be Patient If It’s Your First Purchase

If it’s your first time making a purchase with your amazon account, or if it’s your first purchase with a new credit card, amazon will verify the transaction with your bank before it lets it go through. Don’t freak out asking me if I got every 5 minutes. It could take anywhere from an hour to 24 hours. If you are impatient, go to Orders> My digital Orders> Check Status. It will say “status not yet sent” if they are verifying with your bank. Once it goes through it will say “sent” if it made it to my email or “redeemed” if I’ve used it.

Label Your Gift Card!

This drives me bucking fonkers. If you send me an anonymous gift card, how do I know it’s from you? I’ll get a gift card and all it will say is “someone sent you a gift card” and 3 days later someone will pop up and be like, “Yeah, I already sent you a gift card.” No, you didn’t. You need to fill out the To and From fields. Identify yourself, idiots. I get a lot of anonymous tributes sent to my email, usually intentionally, so yours will be lost unless you fill that card out properly. Using a cute card theme and including a meaningful message communicates to me how thoughtful and sincere you are. It’s the least important thing to consider on this list, but I notice.

Sort By Priority

Our wishlist is very convenient, you can sort by priority to separate things that we need with things that we want. If I have an event coming up and I need to pick up some things, I throw them on my wishlist with high priority. For example, I’m heading to San Francisco in October. It’s cold and I’ll need fall items, almost all of those items have been purchased for me already. Good boys! If nothing is listed as high priority, look for the item that says “only 1 left in stock.” If a wishlist item becomes unavailable, that means you have FAILED me. I wanted something and I didn’t get it. I am not accustomed to disappointment. That is simply not okay.

Now you are an amazon pro! See how easy that was? Now get shopping.

Also, About Those Boxes

I saw a twitter discussion about what a pain in the ass all those amazon boxes are to deal with, so I thought I would share a tip on what I personally do with them. I build a mega fort obviously. Nope, what I really do is stack them up in my garage until it’s just too much, then I post an ad for them in one of the many free sites you can utilize. People will reuse them for shipping or moving. The first person to contact me comes and picks them up, I don’t have to lift a finger. I also give them away to a local animal shelter that uses them to send people home with whatever accessories their new pet comes with. So this way I don’t have to do anything, and I don’t feel as guilty about all that material I am wasting by being a materialistic beotch.